Yes self-care is important, especially in the aftermath of any form of trauma, let alone day to day as a person marginalized in this society. But sometimes I feel like people yell out “self-care” in a way that silences and inadvertently is victim blaming. If I describe something horrible and…
Also if everyone did this heterosexual women would have to wear mens clothing and het duds would have to wear women’s clothing and then men’s clothing would be women’s and women’s would be men’s and they’d have to switch back again, and so on and so fourth and everyone would be changing clothes all the time and nothing would get done and we’d all starve to death
Reblogging for commentary above.
nothing would get done and we’d all starve to death friggen heterosexual gender roles man.
Dear heteronormative guys,
Never let the world tell you you can’t be FABULOUS.
For those who would like to wake up in the morning with a smile on their faces, then look no further than the Little Rooster the world’s first alarm clock specifically designed to wake you up with slowly increasing pleasure. The Little Rooster (“The raciest alarm clock in the world”—Glamour Magazine) gets you up by getting you off. According to the website, all you have to do to guarantee a pleasurable start to the day is: Slip Little Rooster into the front of your panties with its leg nestling between your thighs. Within seconds you forget it is there. Toss and turn - it stays in place. No part of Little Rooster…
Do Women have to be Naked to get into the Met. Museum?
Guerilla Girls. 1989, 2005, 2012.
Let’s talk about (butt) sex baby
Super cute anal infocomic. With snails!
I didn’t realize that I wasn’t a virgin until the day, after coming home from Grade 1, I finally worked up the courage to ask my mother what sex was. I remember experiencing a strange sinking feeling as she calmly described to me some vague approximation of the terrifying ritual which a group of older boys I knew had been forcing me to perform with them for some time. When I started to become acquainted in later years with the world of feminist activism, I immediately felt alienated by the ways in which mainstream feminist movements approached things like sexual empowerment and body acceptance. Almost 10 years later, the face of popular, “sex-positive” feminism seems to have changed very little.
Today, I feel like the sex I choose to have in my life has to include more than just physical factors. It’s not enough to be having an orgasm (or two, or three) every time. It’s not enough to feel like I have the space to talk about and ask for the things that turn me on. I have to feel like my partners and I have opened the space to be radically honest about the ways we have been damaged, the space to start healing each other’s wounds and healing our own in the process. This is something that can happen in a long term relationship, a one night stand, a sexual encounter between friends or casual lovers. It can range anywhere from the most vanilla of vanilla to the most extreme of BDSM scenes, and everything in between. It can be through types of erotic intimacy that don’t involve physical touch. It can happen in any of the myriad circumstances in which we seek out closeness with each other, so long as everyone involved acknowledges that sex is not always just an act of doing — sometimes, it must also be one of undoing.
It’s one thing for a lover to accept my body, to find beauty in its curves, its cellulite, its asymmetries and uniqueness — but if they can’t look at my scars and acknowledge that these, too, are part of the package, then the rest is meaningless to me.
mare-of-night asked: I'm glad you're back!
I appreciate that.
I am not sure if I am 100% back, but I am here at the moment and I have missed you all.
Sometimes when I explain to folks that I’m poly, they ask if I’ve read The Ethical Slut. I tell them I’ve skimmed it. However, I’ve been thinking about writing a counterpart: something like The Hella Problematic Slut. We all fuck up dating/romance/love-wise, for sure. It’s a constant learning situation, and I hope we (QTPOC especially) can hold space to be kind to each other in the face of those fuck-ups–the ones that aren’t outright abusive fuck-ups. That’s not what this piece is about. Polyamory doesn’t get a free pass at being radical without an analysis of power in our interactions. It doesn’t stop with being open and communicative with multiple friends, partners, lovers, etc. We’ve got to situate those relationships in broader systems of domination, and recognize ways that dating and engaging people (multiple or not) can do harm within those systems. Our intimate politics are often the mostly deeply seated; it’s hard work to do. But I thought I’d get some conversation rolling by destabilizing poly as a ‘more radical than thou’ thing. To that end, here’s a list of ways to do polyamory without being awful and oppressive:
1. Don’t treat your partners like they’re less or more than one another based on super hierarchical divisions. Numbering and ranking don’t make for resistive queer relationships; openness and compassion do. Your secondary partners are not secondary people–they’re just not the folks you might devote the most time or energy to in a particular way.
2. Avoid creating situations in which your partners are competing for your affections, as if you’re a scarce capitalist commodity. This is especially true if you have some position of power over most of your partners. Like if you’re masculine-of-center and mostly date femmes. Or if you’re a White person, and all your partners are POC, in which case you should question the ways your body has all these colonial legacies of beauty privilege attached to it. Your partners aren’t ‘lucky’ because you’re dating them–this goes both ways.
3. Do not by any means claim your partners as social justice trophies. Your dates have names, so you don’t need to introduce them as [XYZ marginalized person]. You don’t get ally points this way.
4. Remember that polyamory doesn’t make you radical all on its own, regardless of which directions your desire is oriented. We all have these preferences based on race, class, ability, gender, etc that need deep work and questioning. Dating 5 White cisgender people at once isn’t necessarily a radical act.
5. Avoid the ‘gotta catch ‘em all’ theory of dating. Being super non-consensually cruisy and privilege-denying doesn’t make for healthy communities. Nor does refusing to be in community with folks if there’s not a possibility that you could date or fuck them.
6. Don’t police other people’s monogamy or other relationship structures. You can do your thing, but everyone else has their own circumstances too, often informed by class, ability, leisure time, and racialized ideas of sluthood–all of these might limit someone’s access to non-monogamy. Not everyone wants to or can fuck/date multiple people.
7. Keep in mind that ‘poly’ is not a category of oppression in and of itself. This is not a monogamist-supremacist world. There are material privileges that support your access to the possibility of non-monogamy–ie the fact that you are able to make this choice.
8. Recognize that your non-romantic and non-sexual relationships are also real and valid! Keep your understanding of love broad and political accordingly. Other folks might not need or want as many lovers as you because they’re engaged in different varieties of relationship-building.
9. Finally, remember that polyamory is not a new or edgy concept invented in the Western world. It’s a millenia-old idea to have and value multiple relations. Let’s avoid perpetuating that cultural erasure.
Anonymous asked: I am sad this blog died out.
Me too, anon, me too.
That moment in which I fell wildly in love with Talib Kweli’s brain.
This conversation has a variety of pitfalls that break my heart, so be ready for a lot of tangents, derailing of conversations and some really closed minded thinking from some of the people chosen to comment on the matter.
But it is worth it to hear Talib Kweli and he’s abundantly loving and empathetic brain spouting some wisdom that is so perfect, zen and harm-reductionist that I have made it my goal just to speak to him one day.
Resentment of the Day: CNN Accused of Pro-Rapist Bias in Steubenville Verdict Coverage
Following yesterday’s guilty verdict in the Steubenville Rape Case, several CNN reporters including Candy Crowley, Poppy Harlow and Paul Callan have come under some heavy criticisms for being sympathetic towards the co-defendants during their coverage, describing the students as “very good students” with “promising futures.” CNN’s post-verdict commentaries have been compared to a comedy sketch that aired in 2011 about an athlete who “overcame” rape charges and an online petition calling on the anchors to issue an apology has already broken 53,000 signatures on Change.org.
However, it is worth mentioning that CNN anchors are not the only people who have pitied the co-defendants. In the wake of this debate, the single topic blog Public Shaming has been highlighting dozens of tweets and comments on Facebook and Reddit from many others vocalizing their support of the boys.